| Quote | Author |
| I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning; a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. | Marie Corelli (1855-1924) |
| Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. | Mark Twain (1835-1910) |
| I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. | Mark Twain (1835-1910) |
| Last words: Either those curtains go, or I do.
| Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) |
| To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. | Wilson Mizner (1876-1933) |